Follow That Cab!

Change can take years, months, weeks or days. Sometimes, though, it takes just 24 hours. We are changed women. And as a result, Katsopo-Gavinites, you are changed, too.

As detailed by our earlier video report, late Thursday night we received an instant message from a dedicated JesseGav disciple who reported that he was riding in Jesse’s cab. We immediately left in pursuit of our hirsute hottie and didn’t return until just past midnight on Friday.

It was a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, hair raising 24 hours. We’ve been working all weekend on a video recap–stay tuned for the final product Wednesday night. Just to tide you over, we present the top ten signs that you’re riding in Jesse’s cab…

Top Ten Signs You’re Riding in Jesse’s Cab

1. The smell of Sandalwood cologne, Jesse’s signature scent.

2. The distinct crinkle of leather-on-leather coming from driver’s seat. (As we know, Jess is never without his trusty leather jacket!)

3. Upon overhearing your cellphone argument with your roommate, driver begins offering practical fatherly advice as violin music swells in the cab.

4. En route from The Mission to Bernal Heights, you find your cab mysteriously passing by Alamo Square Park. (Note: The Tanners are shown having a picnic in Alamo Square in the opening credits for Full House. But contrary to popular belief, the actual Full House house is not one of the painted ladies. A gripping expose to come soon!)

5. While passing Alamo Square Park, your driver either:

a) Slams on the gas, tearing past the park and terrified tourists while screaming, “I’ll show YOU what happened to predictability! It’s stuck driving a cab on the graveyard shift just to keep a studio apartment stocked with enough ramen to get by!”

OR

b) Slows cab down to a glacial 3 mph and cranks the Huey Lewis and the News to muffle the sounds of sobbing.

6. Driver keeps asking you if “Gavin Newsom isn’t just the best ever?”

7. Driver keeps flipping radio to only catch commericial breaks, while spewing bitter remarks about the shoddy quality of the jingles, saying things like “This is terrible, huh?” or “Who wrote this, huh? Gibbler?”

8. The rear-view mirror is adorned with a pair of fuzzy dice.

9. Your driver offers you a free ride if you can guess the Grecian island where he was born.

10. Driver desperately entreats you to come see his band play at the Smash Club.