Archive for February, 2007
Britney Goes Bald, Hair-sellers Rejoice!
As soon-to-be online hair-sellers this comes as incredibly encouraging news: the stylist who shaved Britney Spears’ head bald Friday night is now selling the pop star’s hair online. For one million dollars. Seriously!
Katsopo-Gavinites, do you have any idea what this means? If the freshly cut locks of an extension-wearing starlet—who routinely ravages her tresses with toxic peroxide–can garner a whopping $1,000,000, imagine what a single strand of Gavin Newsom’s pampered mane could pull in. What about a section of Uncle J’s locks, hardened to a remarkable stiffness from hourly Aqua Net applications? Better yet, a JesseGav braid–a vivid manifestation of the pair’s previously mentioned hair bondage. Since the inception of The Mayor and The Hair, we’ve been planning to sell the Gavidence and speci-Jesse-mens that we’ve managed to collect during our surveillance of City Hall and Yellow Cab HQ. But, to be honest, we had moments of self-doubt: Is anyone else out there willing to exchange the better part of their hard-earned paycheck for a wad of JesseGav hair? But, news of Bald Britney’s in-demand locks puts our fears at ease. (more…)
Add comment February 20, 2007
All the Maggie and Alex You Can Handle
Hello to all our loving JesseGavoholics! Magz and I have been getting loads of mail here at JesseGav HQ, and a lot of it isn’t about The Hair Hotties, but about us–little old Maggie Arlington and Alex Newkirk.
Well, the people have spoken, and we have answered. Magz and I spent some of our petty cash to hire Pulitzer Prize-winning biographer David McCullough to write our life stories. The results are pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself. I think you’ll agree that it was the best $6,000 we ever spent!
Of course, that sum doesn’t take into account our new contractual obligation to keep Mr. McCullough in a lifetime supply of Red Vines. Let me tell you, that man can pack them away. He’s rumored to have gone through his weight in licorice in just the foreward to 1776. And that book is 400 pages long! Plus he demands a strictly balanced red to black ratio at all times, in order to keep his “muse centered.” I nearly herniated a disc just unloading bag after bag of Red Vines into my tiny ‘89 Civic. (more…)
5 comments February 19, 2007
Missed Connection
4 comments February 17, 2007
